The Eponymous Soupstone (and what this blog is all about)

"Soupstone: When dropped into a container of water, this small smooth stone turns the water into a hot, nourishing broth of a flavor chosen when the stone is made. A soupstone can transform up to 10 gallons of water before it becomes inert. It has no effect on waterbased creatures like water elementals. Author: Jesse Decker and Stephen Kenson. Source: #280."
from Dragon Compendium, vol. 1, p. 119


Okay, leaving aside that the soupstone costs 300 gp and is only good for 10 gallons of soup (so that's 30 gp per gallon, and keep in mind that according to the 3.5 Player's Handbook p. 129, a banquet costs 10 gp per person so that's a fucking rip-off), why the hell is that last sentence in there? "No effect on waterbased creatures like water elementals" my ass. It's like they went out of their way to make this item as boring as possible. If I'm going to pay 300 of my hard-earned gp for a fucking soupstone, I demand to be able to turn water elementals into soup elementals. Right now the only things this soupstone is good for is a really overpriced meal, and arguing with your DM about whether holy water retains its holiness when turned into soup so that you can argue with your DM about whether vampires drink soup.

But me? Having exhausted all possible avenues of escape, I want to stare my watery doom in whatever passes for its face, throw it the soupstone, say "fuck you, you're a soup elemental forever", and drown in beef broth. And then roll up a new character who buys like five dogs and keeps them really hungry and goes back into the dungeon and has them eat the dread soup elemental.

Because that's fucking awesome.

Hi, I'm Levi, and this is Old-School D&D done right.